Arla’s Story

In honor of National Family Caregiver Month, we are highlighting some of our ACCA caregiver participants

Arla

Arla was a caregiver for her mother, Ms. Joyce, for about 8 years. The last 2 years of that time Arla lived with her mom to provide her with extensive hands-on care. During those 8 years, Ms. Joyce’s leg had to be amputated, which meant an increase in the need for physical support, making trips out of the house more challenging. Ms. Joyce spent her final few months in a skilled nursing facility and finally the hospital when she got to a point of refusing to eat.

Before moving in with her mother, Arla routinely visited her mom after a day of work to ensure she had what she needed. Throughout her time as a caregiver Arla worked as a para-educator at a local school–a physically and emotionally challenging job supporting students with special needs. She credits the support of her supervisors and colleagues with making it possible to continue to work while providing care to her mother.

Life as we know it changes

Making the decision to move in with her mother to be her full-time caregiver meant Arla had to give up her own home, her way of life and her freedom. And being around her mom in such a close and consistent way often brought up emotions from her years growing up. Arla shared that there were many times while caring for her mom that she just didn’t feel like cooking but forced herself to prepare a meal to ensure her mom had some nutritious food, only to be greeted with a lack of interest in the meal and an implication that she was not a good cook.

Arla’s Advice

When asked what advice she would give to someone else who is caring for a family member/loved one, Arla is quick to say that you can’t do it alone.

Form a team, a support system of some kind. For example, one of her mother’s neighbors would check on Ms. Joyce at lunchtime while Arla was at work to visit and ensure she ate some lunch. Arla’s daughter regularly visited with Ms. Joyce during her stay in the skilled nursing facility, being her advocate and keeping her company.

Arla also credits her ACCA Care Navigators and her Allen Temple church family with helping her get through some of the more challenging times. Her ACCA Care Navigators were able to connect her to helpful resources, help her with the process to get some in-home care for her mom, and supported her spiritually.

Arla’s message to other caregivers is that it is important to take care of yourself throughout the process, as hard as that may be. She shared that she ended up in the hospital herself for several days while caring for her mother, during which she was diagnosed with her own chronic condition and found it difficult to make time to address the health condition while caring for her mom.

She also believes that not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver in the same way, and it’s important to be honest about that. There are many ways you can support someone you love, that may not involve providing hands-on, round-the-clock care.

One of Arla’s coworkers once told her that she was a special person, “You work everyday and take care of your mom.”
Arla’s response was, “I’m not special…I’m just me.”

Well, Arla, we think you’re pretty special, too!